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President Bush is having a little trouble reaching first base with some of our not-so-gallant allies.

He's asking them to go out on a date in the New Iraq® -- Dutch treat, of course -- but the objects of his affection have suddenly remembered a host of other pressing engagements: Denmark has to wash its hair, and Hungary has to visit a sick aunt in the hospital, and . . . well, you get the idea:

Relief for U.S. troops lacking

WASHINGTON -- The Pentagon's search for troops from other nations to replace U.S. soldiers in the force that is stabilizing postwar Iraq has fallen short of expectations, and U.S. officials face the prospect of keeping more U.S. forces in Iraq than they had hoped, diplomats and military officials say.

Despite efforts to prod other nations to send troops -- and a United Nations resolution on May 22 that cleared the way for countries to begin contributing soldiers to the postwar effort -- the United States and Britain have gotten promises of just 13,000 troops from two dozen countries, according to diplomats for the affected countries . . . That's much fewer than the tens of thousands of troops U.S. planners want.

Compare to: the 150,000 troops the U.S. currently has in Iraq, plus the 15,000 remaining British troops, which the Blair government badly wants to withdraw, since it seems they may be needed to crush an uprising in the House of Commons.

Of the names on Bush's dance card, only Poland seems to be eager to give the president a whirl:

The United States is receiving enthusiastic help from Poland. Polish officials said they are determined to take a lead role in the military security of Iraq as well as demonstrate to the United States and other NATO nations that it can be a good ally.

If I were sandwiched between the Germans and Russians, I'd be "enthusiastic," too. America has many sins, but invading Poland isn't one of them. Still the Poles say they can only scrape together about 7,000 troops -- and they'll need contributions from their fellow former Warsaw Pact members to even make that figure.

Japan says it may be able to go out later, but only if the Japanese parliament doesn't mind. And no touching below the waist.

Bush had to spend two days sweet talking the Japanese Prime Minister down in Crawford just to get that -- the proverbial peck on the cheek.

And that's about it. Before the invasion, if you recall, the administration told us the support of countries like Japan, Poland and Denmark (not to mention Uzbekistan, Azerbajian and the Maldive Islands) would more than make up for the loss of our traditional NATO allies in "old" Europe -- insignificant countries like Germany and France.

Now for the most part, our new love affairs didn't exactly promise to make out with us after we conquered Iraq, but they did give us strong indications they would be in the mood, so to speak. The hawks seemed to feel these were just as good as promises.

Now they're learning that it's always a country's perogative to change its mind.

This is big problem that could get even bigger, given how woefully undermanned the U.S. military is for an indefinite occupation of a county with Iraq's dimensions and problems. Some of the troops already are beginning to realize what that could mean:

U.S. May Soon Target Troubled Iraqi Areas

The commander of coalition ground forces in Iraq said Thursday he may soon send more troops to areas where U.S. forces have been attacked. But officers and senior enlisted men in the unit insist their equipment isn't battle ready, and say soldiers' lives may be needlessly put at risk.

Senior leaders and logistics experts in the 3rd Infantry say most of the division is not ready for combat. They complain that they have received almost no spare parts to repair damaged tanks and armored personnel carriers — what the military calls Class IX supplies — since they left Kuwait on March 22.

"He is going to get U.S. soldiers needlessly killed if he expects us to go into battle," a senior noncommissioned officer in the 3rd Infantry said of McKiernan. He spoke on condition he not be named for fear of retribution.

And so the war hawks are discovering the price that must be paid for being the most arrogant assholes on the entire planet.

Having made themselves -- and their cause -- deeply loathed in both old and new Europe (and just about every other location that doesn't have a U.S. zip code) the hawks shouldn't be surprised to find most of their democratic allies are unwilling to risk the wrath of the voters by sending large number of troops to Iraq. And their undemocratic allies don't have the troops to send, although they may be able to lend us a few death squads.

All along, the administration has treated its allies as if they were the Warsaw Pact ("line up and jump when we tell you, godammit.") As long as the demands were merely diplomatic -- a Security Council vote here, a letter of support there -- our "friends" were more than happy to oblige.

But now Bush is asking them for bodies, and maybe blood. But we're not the Soviet Union (or Nazi Germany) and they're not really the Warsaw Pact (or Axis puppet regimes.) The hawks can't force their allies to send troops, and seduction clearly isn't their strong suit. Which leaves only one way to get some action: paying for it -- the way King George paid for his Hessians.

Could be a big bull market for mercenaries.