"Whereas George's is this big!"

"Then I wrapped my hand around George's scrawny little neck like so and said 'what do you mean you want to start telling the truth?'"

Bartender, make mine Maker's Mark, and pour this much.

lynnie-pooh came this close to giving me a hummer last night....

"well, tim, i have to confess that i haven't actually seen my penis in years but, if i remember correctly, the old boy is about like that."

"You'd be a miserable old bastard too, if yours was only this big!"

"First you twist their balls clockwise, then you keep twisting and twisting - THAT'S how you get a no-bid contract."

Tim, I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven’t had now for over three years. They simply slip a stack of 100s about this thick through the mailslot every Saturday morning, that's it.

Redrum! Redrum!

Listen, you anti-american crybabies, you're this close to landing yourself in gitmo. Is that clear?

--

...and then I cocked my Glock and said "Hey Saddam, get your filthy hands off my fucking oil!"

--

If i turn the knob this way, the left side of my mouth goes up!

--

My heart is this big.

--

Give me the location of the rebel base, Admiral.

"Vee have vays of making you talk!"

"So I turned the dial up a little more, and now smoke is coming out of his ears."

"Look, I may have told a few lies now and then, but they were only this big..."

I swear the little Weasel is about this far from losing it.

"Billmon, we need a guy like YOU on the PNAC payroll to help get our message out to the American public, and we have a wad of C-notes THIS THICK just sitting here for you... so whaddya say? gimme a call, okay, Billmon?"

Tim, I'm asking you for the last time....IS IT SAFE?

Is it safe?

Our deficit knob goes to eleven.

"I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head!"

Our lies about WMD and Iraq's connection to 9/11 were only this big.

Our lies about WMD and Iraq's connection to 9/11 were only this big.

Getting away with it? Missed it by THAT much!

Tim, then you lift your finger off the little hole in the bong and breathe in all of the smoke. It really cuts the harsh, dude, you gotta try.

I have seen pictures of Arnold's penis on the Internet and mine is this much shorter...

I have seen pictures of Arnold's penis on the Internet and mine is this much longer...

"C" is for Cheney, that's good enough for me.
"C" is for Cheney, that's good enough for me.
"C" is for Cheney, that's good enough for me.
Oh Cheney Cheney Cheney starts with "C".

Any follow-up questions, Timmy? Right, I'm out of here, you pasty shitbag. See you in six months.

[GAO] "Comptroller General David Walker, I am crushing your head! "

i need a new heart, it is your duty. come on now, national security. do you have a twenty something? it will be painless and heh I'll give some of that chocolate from iraq in payment. come on, i am running out of time.

"Come on, Tim, it'll be fun, I'll crush your little head!"

Thank you, "Kids in the Hall."

Is this how you make the 'Loser' sign?

We're teaching this to all the soldiers in Iraq. It's an old Islamic gesture that either means:

"Get the fuck away from my oil!

or

"Your camel's ass is turning me on!"

I can't keep them straight.

explaining his trigger finger?

"So you take the truth and twist it like this."

"Just between you and me, Tim -- 'cause we're guys -- when it's only this big you have to start a war or two to compensate, y'know what I mean?"

I call it the "War" sign.

"Um, no, that's when it's hard."

"See the vial in my right hand? It contains a superconcentrated nuclear bio-chemical weapon of mass destruction we found in one of Saddam's palaces. Oh, well, only the pure in heart can see it."

Cheney is at the punchline of his favorite joke about the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball.

Cheney is at the punchline of his favorite joke about the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball.

(Sorry, forgot to enter name and URL...)

"Just today, we've spent a stack of $1MM bills this thick in Iraq. I took a cut myself - brokering the deal and all."

we're this close to stealing, er I mean pumping some oil.

Mmmmmmm.... Live rats!

I try to keep my eyes open this wide, because when they're closed, I see dead people...

Oil? No. Liberation? No. Bechtel? No. The whole damn thing is about alcohol sales, Tim. You know, depress the left, who are alcoholics anyways, and up goes the [gestures) glug glug!

Lynne's nipples get this big when I talk about how m uch money we'll be getting from Halliburton!

There's not much to do down in the cave, so Osama and I sometimes do shadow puppets. This, for example, is you, Tim.

"I don't want you to talk, Governor Dean, I just want you to die."

"I have this much credibility left... and I'll be damned if I leave this studio with any of it!"

I don't get the "is it safe" one. Color me stupid.

I'm squishing your head. Like a small arab child.

"I don't get the "is it safe" one. Color me stupid." Lawrence Olivier in "Marathon Man," before he drills big holes in all of Dustin Hoffman's teeth.

"You just grip one by the neck like this, and voila a 'liberated, flower throwing Iraqi"

I don't get the "is it safe" one. Color me stupid.

Not stupid. Unschooled in 27 year old movies is all. See Marathon Man. Laurence Olivier plays the scary dude in this one. Later Olivier played the good guy to Gregory Peck's scary dude in The Boys from Brazil. Neither performance up to his Shakespeare roles. Marathon Man is worth a look though, if only to get the reference.

Or maybe the reference was to Ian McKellan's Gandalf? Naaaah. Gandalf is the Good Guy. Unlike our boy Dick.

I don't get the "is it safe" one. Color me stupid.

Not stupid. Unschooled in 27 year old movies is all. See Marathon Man. Laurence Olivier plays the scary dude in this one. Later Olivier played the good guy to Gregory Peck's scary dude in The Boys from Brazil. Neither performance up to his Shakespeare roles. Marathon Man is worth a look though, if only to get the reference.

Or maybe the reference was to Ian McKellan's Gandalf? Naaaah. Gandalf is the Good Guy. Unlike our boy Dick.

Sorry for the stutter.

Man, was there some memo about what to do with your hands on TV? Check this out.

Thanks for the help. But why specifically is Olivier asking Hoffman if it's safe?

Honorable Mention:
"Tim, I'm asking you for the last time....IS IT SAFE?"
libertas

My personal favorite. Good Marathon Man reference.

My entry:

"Let me show you my 'Quart of Blood' technique. Do that and a quart of blood will drop out a person's body."

David,

Olivier has smuggled a shitload of diamonds out of Nazi Germany. Dustin Hoffman's brother - Roy Scheider, an American (and Jewish) spook, is onto him; Olivier kills Scheider. Hoffman watches his brother die in agony. Hoffman seeks and finds the link between his brother's death and Olivier, the ex-Nazi dentist (a play on Doctor Mengele). Olivier kidnaps Hoffman, and fires up his dental drill. Asking Hoffman, "Is it safe?" Hoffman (correctly) pleads ignorance. Olivier drills into Hoffman's perfectly healthy teeth, without anaesthesia. As Hoffman continues to plead ignorance, between screams, Olivier contiues the torture, then applies clove oil to the damage he's done, much to Hoffman's relief, asking again, "Is it safe?"

Hoffman secures the diamonds through devious means. In the end, of course, Hoffman turns the tables on Olivier, scattering the diamonds into the New York City sewer system, then plants a round in Olivier's abdomen, leaving him to die horribly.

Revenge; a dish best served cold, is the moral of this, and many other, movies.

Hope this helps.

Asking Hoffman, "Is it safe?" Hoffman (correctly) pleads ignorance.

Meaning, "Is it safe for me to go and pick up the diamonds?"

Sorry - left that part out.

"Tim, the reason why we haven't any WMDs is that we have a reliable source that tells us Saddam managed to have them miniaturized till they were this small ...

Now you understand the trouble we're having finding them, don't you?"

"sorry, you've got a little something in your eye, here, let uncle cheney..."

"...then I put all the pieces in a big glass jar and top it up with alcohol--vodka works fine--and then I screw the lid on really really tight..."

"We have evidence. See ? That's one of Saddam's virtual WMDs."

No, really, Timmy.
The e-mail from Halliburton said 3 - 5 inches, nearly overnight, if we invaded. We invaded, I think they lied to me. I just don't understand why they lied about something so important.

I'm this close to being preznit.

Tim, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

and Mr. O'Reilly has his head this far up my ass!

Look, Freud was right about one thing. I mean, if your penis is this big, Tim, then you simply HAVE TO start a war and kill thousands if not millions of innocent people in order to show Joe six-pack your the boss. Sure, people will say I'm lying or deceiving or whatever, but in the end they'll say, 'At least he's got balls.'

"You can't actually see it, but I'm holding Saddam's most powerful WMD."

I'm a size 8 leg iron. I wanna be sedated!

"My nizzles on the hizzle call me C-Murda, bee-otch..."

I'm a big Vice President and I need a big cereal.

That's how much you can trust me Tim.

I swear, we're thisclose to finding the WMDs.

Tim, we want you to bend over just this much more.

Since when does the Vice President of the US wear a cheap, $.60 Flag Pin?

"Sooo 'K?"
"Sa-right!"

FREE PALESTINE

(no - this comment has nothing to do with the photo of Dick being obnoxious...)

"This is my Give-A-Shit button. You lift the lid and I'll show you I givvashit."

(Honors to my brother for that one, 25 years ago)