Or from his military representative here on earth anyway.
You may remember that in my earlier post on Gen. Boykin's passionate, er, devotion to President Bush, I invited Gen. J.C. Christian, Patriot, to share his own thoughts on Boykin's fire-and-brimstone brand of religious patriotism.
Well, Gen. Christian has responded, in his own inimitable stye:
I see that this Billmon feller has been writing about me. I read his blog every day, but I can't figure him out. On the one hand, he hangs out at a whisky bar which is a very manly thing to do, but on the other, he seems to lack the respect real men, like myself, have for Our Leader. I have to wonder if he's wrestling with the Demon of Reason, Satan's most powerful and sissified minion, tasked with the job of undermining our faith in our Heavenly Father and His appointed representatives on Earth.Anyway, Billmon wonders what I think of Gen. Boykin's recent statement about how our Lord and Savior made Our Leader president even though he had fewer votes than the little girl he ran against. The statement makes perfect sense to me. Jesus has the ultimate electoral vote. Sure, he could have just given the popular vote to The Chosen One, but that would have left some doubt about His will. By doing it this way, Jesus was saying, "He's my guy, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my immaculate ass."
Think about it. Hasn't Our Leader's whole rule been characterized by this kind of heavenly show-boating? Isn't it obvious that God hid Iraq's weapons of mass destruction so that He could taunt us by making it seem that The Chosen One was placing our sons and daughters in harms way for no good reason?
Praise Jesus and his infinite hubris. Our Lord has touched the hearts of national security conscious Republicans so that they defend the outing of a CIA agent. He has prompted fiscal conservatives to cheer The Chosen One's budget policy and free trade advocates to applaud tariffs. One cannot deny God's hand in this. What other explanation can there be?
Clearly, Gen. Christian has demonstrated once again why he holds the original patent on plain-speaking, down-home, true-blue American religious fanaticism. Gen. Boykin, by contrast, is but a pale imitation -- though Gen. Christian is far too, well, Christian, to say it.
But in these troubled times, when our Christian Nation is locked in mortal combat with the forces of Satan -- both French and non-French -- I think we need the genuine article, not some timid impersonation.
If we're ever going to find Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, we can't mince words with the heathen scum. Gen. Boykin may be satisifed with a lot of mealy mouthed talk about pagan "idols," but we need someone who's willing to walk right up to a critical intelligence source and tell him (or her) that his (or her) so-called "Allah" is nothing but a pile of stinking dog manure! Bring 'em to Jesus, then make 'em talk. That's the ticket.
We also need leaders who won't waste time with intelligence analysts and all their scientific mumbo jumbo. What has science ever given us? The so-called theory of evolution, that's what! We need to get more Bible scholars into the Pentagon, so they can show those pointy headed nabobs the intelligence secrets hidden in the holy word of God! Fighting Satan ain't rocket science, you know.
Sure, Gen. Boykin talks a good game, but we need action -- God fearin', Jesus-praisin', pagan-killin' action! And I submit there is only one man for the job.
Praise God and pass the ammunition, boys: Boykin to the rear! Gen. J.C. Christian, Patriot, to the front!
I have to wonder if he's wrestling with the Demon of Reason, Satan's most powerful and sissified minion
It's Raison, fer Chrissakes. It's a well known fact that that fop is French.
I am completely at loss to figure out what is a joke here and what is serious...
So, Billmon, you seem to be pointing oh-so-slyly toward don't-let-the-facts-get-in-the-way Ann "Convert 'em all" Coulter as the right candidate for this role.
Meteor Blades,
I'm all for sending Anthrax Annie over there to personally welcom e them to the fold. Hopefully, they'll make a martyr of her.
Meteor Blades - All good, bible-thumpin', jew-hating, muslim-killin', real he-men have Ann 'Nazi worship-witch' tee shirts in a secret wish list somewhere!
Gotta worship somethin' female with a broken cross on it sometime in your life or ya'd have nothin' to beg forgiveness from Jeebus for...
Heaven help me... I looked at sin and sin looked right back at me -- an' winked!
Gotta say the characature is sexier than the bony, real Ma' Coy!
.
Congrats on getting JC to post again after a 2-month absence, Billmon! Both his post and your response are excellent and fun reading.
Almost up to the level of Whitehouse.org, the unrivalled masters in the genre. (Their latest,"Welcoming Red China..." is so painful to read it hurts.)
Amen to that, Brother Billmon! Praise the Lord Jeezus! To get your "Miss September 1939" Ann Coulter T-shirt (she is as hot as Eva Braun!), go to http://www.agitproperties.com/osc/eshop/product_info.php?products_id=10 .
Must admit, JC's got a point. When you think of it, all this stuff with Shrub is just so unbelievable, the only explanation has to be that God and his infinite wisdom would allow this to crap to happen in order to teach us all a lesson. What's that line about, God only gives you as much as you can handle...didn't realize we anti-Bushco's were so darn strong.
Anyway, never thought I would hear the phrase "kiss my immaculate ass" used so effectively in a sentence before.
Whistling past the graveyard. As long as you think of Christians as some kind of marginal freaks, you won't understand or accomplish *anything*. They a'n't marginal, they're half the country; and they a'n't freaks, but among the most familiar of detestable human types. The key is this: the sadism comes first; only later comes the choice of an institutional structure (a church, or a Party) within which to act it out, a pseudo-philosophy to justify it, etc.
Understand your enemy, then you may mock him--with even greater effect, if perhaps less enjoyment.
JC - you're a Superstar and God Bless Billmon for rooting your righteous ass out!
PTL, Muffa!
As much as I like the humor, as an atheist and a bright I must tell you that there is nothing funny in the way that Christian Reconstructionists have been appointed to key positions of power in government. From the Director of White House Personnel to Boinkhim, these people want to deny me and others with a naturalistic worldview our civil rights, perpetuate bigotry and prejudice, and exclude us from the American experience.
It is not funny, it is painful and hateful and frightening to brights, those of us who are open with our beliefs as well as the countless millions "in the closet", fearful of losing their jobs, their social circle and their family, and, in some cases, fearful of their safety and that of their family.
This is the last great taboo, this institutionalized hatred of atheists and the deeply instilled message that only godfearing people can be true Americans.
I would like to see a little more outrage from decent, enlightened people like the denizens of this whiskey bar, and a little less laughing it off as a fringe phenomenon. The political leaders in both Houses of Congress, major positions in the White House, the Pentagon, and throughout the departments of government, positions in the Judiciary, media ownership, talk show hosts, news presenters, corporate executives, the Christian Reconstructionists and their fellow theocrats, who literally and seriously seek to replace our Constitution with Old Testament Law, are no longer knocking on the doors of power, they are In the House.
We need your help to keep us free. 29 million self-declared non-religious citizens of this country are Americans, too.
galiel,
I am with you. What scares the crap out of me is that Bush II Administration and the fanatic right haven’t picked their scapegoat yet. When everything starts crashing around them they will have to blame someone for the stabs in the back. It will be the godless atheists they’ll go after.
I saw a commercial for a movie once (I don't know what movie, I didn't see it) that had John Ritter crying out, "There IS a God...and He's a GAG WRITER!"
Amen.
We need your help to keep us free. 29 million self-declared non-religious citizens of this country are Americans, too.
Keep you free? Keep you free? "Freedom and democracy" is another one of those motherhood memes like "Support the Troops". In this world we have created, thought crime is ruthlessly punished wherever it is found. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
If you can't do the time, you're probably in the wrong bar. Billmon is clearly a thought criminal and he is doomed. Sooner or later, it is Room 101 for him for sure.
Unless his name is really Charrington.
He got away from Mr Charrington and went down the stairs alone, so as not to let the old man see him reconnoitring the street before stepping out of the door. He had already made up his mind that after a suitable interval -- a month, say -- he would take the risk of visiting the shop again. It was perhaps not more dangerous than shirking an evening at the Centre. The serious piece of folly had been to come back here in the first place, after buying the diary and without knowing whether the proprietor of the shop could be trusted. However-!
Keep you free? Can't help you. Can't help me. We're already doomed. I'll buy you a drink and help you drown your sorrows, though.
I would like to see a little more outrage from decent, enlightened people like the denizens of this whiskey bar, and a little less laughing it off as a fringe phenomenon.
Well, if Mel Brooks can laugh at Hitler, I think I should be allowed to laugh at these theocratic yahoos. Because, like the Nazis, no matter how powerful, or how brutal or how dangerous they become, they're still just a bunch of stupid yahoos --like characters out of a Flannery O'Connor short story, or The Beverly Hillbillies.
It's either laugh or cry, and I prefer to laugh. It's better for the digestion.
These people are just plain nuts:
Pastor glories in death of gay student
The Observer, 19 Oct 03
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,1066215,00.html
Phelps, who has 13 adult children, believes overt homosexuals should be executed. He added: 'God is glad that Shepard has gone to hell. You can call my language flamboyant but it is also biblical.
'To say God hates fags is a profound theological statement and I am prepared to defend it as a powerful truth. Being a fag is not an alternative lifestyle but forbidden by God as sodomite evil.'
The blogosphere lost a great satirical voice when General JC Christian decided to give up his blog. My only regret is that I didn't see more of his comments before he went off the air. Thank you for the guest appearance; may there be many more.
I wish the General would come back only it's occurred to me that really it's no longer satire, or a satire so subtle it's impossible to be distinguished as such.
They really think they're in a good vs. evil struggle, and this is both bin Laden and the US. It's just pathetic, why can't they play D&D? It's pretty much the same deal except the only thing that gets killed is the chance to get laid.
Laughter is like sleep. If you do it all the time, you won't accomplish anything, but if you never do it, you'll end up a frazzled, paranoid mess. To paraphrase Emma Goldman, if I can't laugh, I don't want to be part of your revolution.
To paraphrase Emma Goldman, if I can't laugh, I don't want to be part of your revolution.
Beth, thanks for the quote. The absence of humor, irony and playfulness is the devil's breeding ground.
Billmon,
Whatever you are drinking, drink more!!
What a great post to wakeup to on a Sunday morning (pdt) You certainly helped my dression ;-)
Thanks
who can't spell? moi? depression.
Marie,
The actual quote is, "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution," but I think you're exactly right about the point she was making.
Beth, thanks for the actual quote but your paraphrase was excellent because it did call up images of laughter, dance and gaiety.
Can Sharon laugh?
Can GWB dance?
Can OBL sing?
Now if only Billmon could also raise Snotglass from his/her slumber....
Billmon, you missed the point entirely.
Besides the options of "laughing or crying", there is the option you choose on many vital issues which causes all of us to read you (pardon the pun) religiously. That is to investigate, expose and enlighten.
For example, none of your writings about the voting machines and the connection of Republican Chuck Hagel to the company that makes them mentions the primary stockholder of ES&S - Ahmanson, a Christian Reconstructionist and multimillionaire funder of many extremist theocratic advocacy organizations such as the Chalcedon Foundation and the Council for National Policy.
Boykin's real crime was speaking out, when most Reconstructionists, trained in politics by Pat Roberston's Regent University (such as the Director of White House Personnel, who is responsible for hiring in more than just the White Hourse), know to keep quiet and act behind the scenes.
Why haven't you written about DeLay's sponsorship of NRA's Operation Potomac, (That is not the gun lobby, it's the National Reform Association, a Christian Reconstructionist organization), or the Bible workshops for incoming freshmen Christian Congressmen held in the Capitol building? Or the "World view Conferences"?
Where is your investigative reporting when it comes to the American version of the Taliban? That is what I meant by less dismissive laughter and more serious inquiry.
It is because of my great respect for your investigative chops, your analytical skills and your good writing that I appeal to you to help us out.
You may see yourself like Mel Brooks "funning" about Hitler. I'd rather find someone who would write a "Strange Fruit" to wake up America - before it comes to that.
If you think I'm exaggerating and guilty of hyperbole, then do your own research on Christian Reconstructionism and the positions of power they hold wherever power is in America, especially but by no means exclusively in this administration.
Anyway, if anyone else here is interested in helping research this, email me at crr at galiel period com.
Galiel, Billmon, be careful not to get involved in a false debate here, because you are both right. We're all scared shitless by the fact that the nation has been taken over by violent self-righteous Bigots for Jeeeeesus who would turn back all the clocks to before the Enlightenment, and we all want to fight and defeat the Religious Right.
To do so, every last weapon in our decidedly non-violent (for now) arsenal will be necessary. Research/analysis is one weapon, mockery is another--and just as useful and necessary in its way. These are not opposed, but complimentary things.
Of course, this is just proof that god is a crazy woman and Her name is Eris. If you listen very carefully you can hear Her giggling.
No, I don't worship Her, that would be foolhardy and stupid. Asking Eris for a favour usually ends like the village asking for an end to a drought: drowning in the deluge She delivers.
We're all scared shitless by the fact that the nation has been taken over by violent self-righteous Bigots for Jeeeeesus who would turn back all the clocks to before the Enlightenment, and we all want to fight and defeat the Religious Right. I don't see that being expressed in any significant way by any significant pundit, politicians or analyst. There is much discussion about the New Deal, much discussion about Neocons, much discussion about chickenhawks, all of it on-point and necessary, but little to no talk about the theocrats and the increasing hostility, isolating, exclusion and scapegoating of atheists, and no serious informative analysis of Christian Reconstructionists. I have had to spend dozens of hours putting together information from disparate sources, nearly all of them academic and poorly publicized. The ACLU, under explicit direction of its current director, has chosen to marginalize the issue of secular rights and theocratic incursions in favor of what it sees as more burning civil rights issues, and no Democrat, even the rationalist inclusive an tolerant Dean, who I know supports the equal rights of non-believers, will speak out on the issue in public.
Just look at all the uproar about the anti-Muslim talk by Boykin, and not a peep about his God annointing Bush and his constant harping on our Christian Nation, which is just code words for Reconstructionist theology.
Research/analysis is one weapon, mockery is another--and just as useful and necessary in its way. These are not opposed, but complimentary things.
The problem I identified, which was not an either-or-proposition, was the imbalance between the two.
There is a danger in dismissing these people as many dismissed Hitler as he rose democratically through the political ranks. All I called for was an application of Billmon's excellent journalistic skills in service of this particular civil right.
Whether or not you yourself are a theist, and atheist, or call yoruself by any other label, we all know the litany: first they came for the Catholics....etc.
No one speaks for us right now. We have no representation in public life - not in federal or state government, nor in the media. Is it really such a controversial request to ask for people to look for themselves into the merits of this asserted threat to our very democracy?
I can't wait to hear Betty Bowers weigh in on the good General.
Boykin: "I don't want to come across as a right-wing nut."
But you are Blanche, you are a right wing nut.
Is it really such a controversial request to ask for people to look for themselves into the merits of this asserted threat to our very democracy?
No, it is not. On the contrary, it is of the essence. Personally, I believe that all forms of monotheism are at heart pathological, and that it is no accident or coincidence that Christianity and Islam are constantly wreaking violence and havoc: they both represent mythologized insanity, a psychological war against life and nature.
The difference between the man who believes God or Allah has instructed him to kill the infidels (Bush, Boykin, Ben Laden, etc.) and the man who believes that Jesus "lives in his heart" is one of degree, not of kind. The latter, socially acceptable pathology, which is so widespread in America, is one of the things that allows the former to exist and to thrive.
Jesus of Nazarath, if he existed, was most probably a blood descendant of King David who became involved in a movement to eject the occupying Roman forces from Israel. Why? So that his family could rule again. Odds are better than good that he was not a poor carpenter's son (only one Gospel out of four makes this claim) but an aristocrat. Mary Magdalene was probably not a prostitute (if I'm not mistaken, not a single Gospel makes this claim) but his wife--for without a wife he could not possibly have earned the title "Rabbi" which is constantly attributed to him. The Gospels, written many years after the facts--whatever they were--were written for a Roman audience, and thus were purged of all the political overtones.
The above is not "revisionist" history, but simply a rundown of a few facts and speculations put forward by serious historians. But Christendom, even today, is not ready for serious historians. Not even liberal Christians are ready to hear that their idealized Jesus was just another rich man's son who made a stab at the throne, and lost--but, due to any number of historical circumstances, was made into a myth, and used by later generations of power hungry assholes to their own ends.
Should we be surprised that this continues today, with Pope Urban's ... uh, I mean, President Bush's Crusade? No, we should not.
Should we continue to accept that "good, pacifist" Christians do not share responsibility for these Crusades?
No, we should not.
"This is indeed a historic day," said Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., lead opponent of the legislation, "because for the first time in history Congress is banning a medical procedure that is considered medically necessary by physicians."
The 64-34 vote came three weeks after the House passed the same measure by 281-142.
Note: there is NO exception for the health or life of the mother in this bill. The federal government unrs roughshod over states' rights in this bill. The rules do not apply, apparently, when matters of sectarian faith are involved.
And the Christian Reconstructionist assault on our liberties continues unabated.
I challenged Boykin's god to a fight last Sunday at my house right after the afternoon football games. At first I thought he was going to be too afraid too show up, but at around 7:30 Jesus showed up. I had no choice, so I kicked Jesus' ass and then skullfucked Him just to teach Him a lesson.
Ha-ha Boykin. Mine is bigger than yours.
I think you guys need to go back and study some of your religion. Bush and CO are definitely not what Christians are supposed to be. I mean, there's a passage right in the middle of the New Testament that says a man (or a woman!) can't serve both God and Money. It's pretty plain to say that Bush and his cronies are lining the pockets of the super-wealthy (i.e. themselves), serving and worshipping money, and pretty much making the rest of us look stupid when we say "God is love". There's a whole chevy-full of characters in the New Testament who "walk-the-walk" of righteousness, but who get called
"White-washed sepulchres" because they use their "righteousness" to suck money and power away from the people. I tend to think Bush and co fall into that category.
As for the atheists out there...I can't say that I blame you. Organized (i.e. Centralized) religion doesn't have the best track-record. But I don't understand what it is that you hope for in life. Maybe a little peace and quiet...but that's what we're all hoping for. That and to give Bush an enema for being a lying idiot and for abusing all the best words in the book (like "Democracy" and "Peace" and "Independent Investigation").
So anyway, I appreciate where you guys are coming from, but read up before you harp on religion. What's happening in our government is about as far as you can get from the real meaning of Christmas.
May 1, 2003
National Day of Prayer
National Loyalty Day
National "Mission Accomplished" Day
Jebus sez: Bow down before the one you serve.